Tuesday, January 26, 2010
IHOP–KC Shiloh Retreat Center
7:00-9:00pm
 
Introduction

Thank you for coming to the first Small Groups Monthly Singles Gathering at IHOP-KC. The Lord has impressed upon our hearts the need to start this ministry to singles at IHOP-KC in order to help individuals navigate through the season of being single and God’s strategic delay. We realize there are many different ages and backgrounds represented so some examples may or may not apply to you. Ask the Lord to speak to your heart specifically.
 
Have you noticed that there seems to be a stigma about the term “singles” in our society? For years I refused to participate in anything for “singles” because I didn’t want to wear a huge label on my forehead that read “desperate”. That same fear kept me from participating in “Love and Respect” (the marriage class) although singles had been invited to attend. At one point I even had a conversation with a brother in Christ who was shocked to learn that I wanted to be married. He thought I had chosen to remain single and was completely satisfied! I finally swallowed my pride and attended the second Love and Respect class at IHOP-KC with other single and married friends from our small group. I would highly recommend the book and/or class to all singles because we need to learn these valuable tools of communication before we get married even if we are not in a relationship!

So the focus of the Small Groups Monthly Singles Gatherings is to provide a safe environment for single men and women to fellowship while learning how to relate appropriately as brothers and sisters, steward each other’s hearts, and prepare to walk uprightly into godly marriage and families. We will also have opportunities each month to hear testimonies from various married couples in our community. Each gathering will begin with a brief time of fellowship and worship. We will then have a time of sharing and discussion. If anyone you know might benefit from or contribute to these gatherings please invite them to join us.

We do not plan to start a bunch of singles small groups but instead get you connected to already existing small groups and provide monthly gatherings for you to network and get equipped with valuable tools that will prepare you to walk in the fullness of all God has in store for you.

Paradigm Shift

Has life turned out differently than the way you thought it would? Some of you may have desired marriage but somewhere along the journey gave up hope or have come to think it’s holier not to marry so you can seek the Lord, but let us consider for a moment …
 
Gentlemen, what if the Lord wants you to discover the heart of the Bridegroom by becoming a bridegroom or the heart of the Father by becoming a father?
 
Ladies, perhaps the Lord wants to reveal His heart as your eternal Bridegroom in a deeper way through the pursuit of your earthly bridegroom.
 
We all have an idea of our ideal spouse, but have you ever thought that the Lord might want to alter the sacred “LIST” of what you’re looking for … what you think is best … not to lower the standard but to open your heart to the gift He has prepared for you even if it looks different than your expectations?
 
The Lord has brought me a long way in this journey. I remember writing down dreams and desires for my husband and children in 7th grade. I dated a number of guys through high school and college until I met a gentleman I was sure I would marry. We dated seriously for 18 months until he felt the Lord telling him to end the relationship. I hung on to the hope for another three years until I realized the answer was definitely “no”, which the Lord graciously confirmed numerous times. Another guy asked me on a date and we pursued a long distance friendship for a year before mutually deciding not to pursue a deeper relationship.
 
Not long after this someone encouraged me to read the Song of Solomon as a love letter from Jesus. As I did the words seemed to jump off the page as I read, “scarcely had I passed them by when I found the One my heart loves.” I had been looking for “the one” thinking that a mortal man would satisfy every desire of my heart until Jesus revealed Himself as “the One my heart loves.” I responded like the Bride in the Song, “I held Him and would not let Him go!”
 
So for the past eight years the Lord has pursued my heart like a zealous Bridegroom. I have not even dated or been involved in a relationship with any man other than Jesus. He continually draws me into the secret place of communion and satisfies my heart with His love. More than ever I know that there is not a man on earth that can satisfy me like He does.
 
“Earth has nothing I desire besides you, oh Lord.” – Psalm 73:25

And yet, there remains this desire for an earthly husband. Why? He placed this longing in our hearts for a reason. Jesus alone must satisfy us, and yet when God created male and female he commanded us to be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:27-28). He said, “It is not good for man to be alone,” and fashioned woman as a suitable companion. God designed marriage. He intended for a man to leave his father and mother to be united as one flesh with his wife (Gen. 2:18-14). God planned it this way from the beginning.
 
We see also from the Wisdom of Solomon that “he who finds a wife finds what is good and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). He goes on to say, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies” (Prov. 31:10).
 
Gentlemen, do you want to acquire a valuable treasure and obtain favor from the Lord? Find a wife of godly character! Ladies, do you want a godly man to pursue you? Become a woman of noble character!
 
Several years ago I had a dream. A gentleman came to the front door of my parents’ house asking for me. I was upstairs rushing around frantically trying to get ready. I hadn’t even picked out my clothes! Through the dream God put urgency in my heart to start preparing so that when my bridegroom appeared on the scene I would be ready. Just as we are to make ourselves ready to meet our heavenly Bridegroom we must take steps to make ourselves ready for our earthly spouses.
 
“The wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.” – Rev. 19:7

We are likewise to be friends of the bridegroom by helping others get ready.
 
“The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice.” – John 3:28-30

What are we doing now to make ourselves ready for marriage and families? How are we preparing our brothers and sisters for their future spouses?
 
After years of grappling with a question many who are single consider, the Lord has confirmed to my heart that I am not called to celibacy. He has shown me that there are many injustices including abortion and human trafficking. Just think about all the destinies of more than 50 million babies who were aborted. Could any of these have been our spouses? I believe that God never intended for many of us to remain single but since the fall of man life is not the way it was meant to be. This revelation is why I have boldness to contend for singles to walk into godly life-giving marriages, for men to risk pursuing a bride though it would mean altering their comfortable lives to provide for a wife and children. Preserving the sanctity of marriage begins with godly men and women saying, “Lord, not my will but Yours be done.”
 
We pray night and day for God to bring about justice in the earth, to end abortion, to deliver men and women from the sex slave trade but are we willing to be the answer? Are we willing to lay down our lives, surrender our independence, give up our comfortable lives of being single, and get married to provide an orphan with godly parents? After all, isn’t true religion to look after orphans and widows?
 
Are you willing to marry someone who has lost their spouse and already has a full house of children? What if God asks you to take a spouse that has lived a life of adultery like Hosea’s wife? Would you be willing to marry someone who has been rescued from human trafficking? What if God asks you not to look for a spouse your own age but to marry someone older than you? If you are a bit older, what if a Ruth comes along to glean in your fields and sleep on your threshing floor? How do you think Boaz felt about acquiring a wife later in life? What about Esther? Do you think she really wanted to marry a pagan king? Yet, she was obedient, endured the extensive process of beauty treatments, and became queen “for such a time as this” to bring deliverance to her people. Then there’s Rebekah. Are you ready to serve not just a potential spouse but to water the whole lot of camels by looking out for the interests of someone’s friends and family? Think about Abraham and Sarah. At their age do you think they were ready to start the largest family ever?
 
“By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised. Therefore from one man, and him as good as dead, were born as many as the stars of the sky in multitude—innumerable as the sand which is by the seashore.” – Heb. 11:11-12

We have this fairy tale image of the perfect spouse, the ideal age, the dream family, etc. It’s a fabulous masterpiece more renown than the Mona Lisa. We call it the American Dream. But is it God’s dream? Have you asked, “God who do YOU want me to marry? When?” These are just some of the thoughts I have been wrestling with this past year.
 
I challenge you to look up various stories in the Bible to see how God worked in different relationships in history. Find out what God says about marriage, and then ask for His perspective concerning your future marriage and family.
 
Strategic Delay

Jesus does not always operate on our timetable. When He heard that Lazarus was sick He stayed where He was for two more days! He let Lazarus die. He let Mary and Martha experience the grief of losing their brother. It looked like there was no hope left.
 
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick …” – Proverbs 13:12a

How many of us have hoped in marriage for so long that when it has been deferred our hearts have grown sick? As Jesus has delayed even longer in answering our prayers, for some the very desire seems to have died. Is Jesus calling you to awaken that desire once again? Is he calling you to hope and ask again so that He may fulfill this desire?
 
“… but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” – Proverbs 13:12b

Do we believe Jesus’ promise that “this sickness will not end in death” and that “we will see the glory of God”? Seven years ago my best friend invited me to start praying for our future husbands and children. I was reluctant at first because I knew that praying would awaken this desire. When Jesus told Martha, “Your brother will rise again,” she could only interpret it in light of eternity. The pain of awakening hope for her brother to rise again in this life was too great to bear. Like Martha we may believe Jesus for the eternal promises when our Eternal Bridegroom will come for His Bride, but do we believe Him for the temporal promises to be fulfilled? And if we do believe are we willing to sacrifice the fulfillment of that promise on the altar like Abraham did with Isaac reckoning that God will raise it from the dead? And when He finally comes to raise the promise of marriage from the dead will we say like Martha, “It’s too late! Sure you could have done something before the foul odor of death took hold, but now it’s impossible”? What kind of excuses will we make? “I’m too old. I don’t have enough money. I like being independent. It’s too much responsibility. I’m just not up to it.”
 
Or will we activate our faith, roll away the stone, remove the grave clothes and walk in newness of life?
 
“My lover spoke and said to me, ‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me…’” – Song 2:10

When Jesus says, “__________, come forth!” are you willing to arise? When our Beloved says, “Rise up, my love, and come away,” are we ready to follow Him and leap upon the mountains of opposition or will we remain sleeping in our comfortable beds covered in grave clothes?
 
Believe me, when we started praying for our future husbands I was not ready to awaken this desire again. Even now as we start this ministry to singles at IHOP-KC we must shake off the dust and take a risk. Do you think it is comfortable for two single women who have been contending for marriage yet still waiting for the fulfillment of this promise to pioneer a ministry to singles and follow Jesus through these rugged mountains? It’s a leap of faith, which John Whimber spelled R-I-S-K. I tell you this is risky! He has beckoned us to “arise” and we have risen to follow Him no matter the cost. We’re laying everything on the line – our reputation, future, relationships, etc. –
to partner with Jesus in intercession for the sanctity of marriage. We are standing in the gap because we believe God is going to bring forth justice by establishing godly marriages and bringing forth mothers and fathers who will look after orphans.
 
John Eldridge uses an allegory of a sea lion to illustrate various stages of hope deferred and eventually reawakened in his book, “Journey of Desire.” Here is a brief excerpt:
 
Once upon a time there lived a sea lion who had lost the sea.  He lived in a country known as the barren lands. High on a plateau, far from any coast, it was a place so dry and dusty that it could only be called a desert … Of course, it must seem strange to you that such a beautiful creature should wind up in a desert at all. He was, mind you, a sea lion. But things like this do happen. How the sea lion came to the barren lands, no one could remember. It all seemed so very long ago … in fact, it appeared as though he had always been there … But as you know, once you have lived so long in a certain spot, no matter how odd, you come to think of it as home …

We must recognize that life is not the way it was meant to be. Men and women were created for union with one another and with God just like the sea lion was created for the sea. But, we have been in this wilderness for so long that some of us have come to think of it as home. We may have become heart sick even to the point of death, but the final outcome of this sickness will not be death. After a strategic delay Jesus has come to our tomb calling our name and saying, “Come forth, Rise up!” We must return to the journey. Eldredge says many have abandoned the journey and are “camped out in places of resignation” or “trapped in prisons of despair” (Journey of Desire p. 15). We must live by faith like those great patriarchs in Hebrews. We must believe in the impossible no matter how great the obstacles.
 
“I would have lost heart unless I believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” – Psalm 27:13

If we believe, we will see the glory of God manifest! Will we now arise and follow our Beloved? Are we available for any and all of God’s purposes?
 
It’s time to move mountains as Dr. Suess so expressively inspires us in one of my favorite poems, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” I’ll end with this excerpt:
 
Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to great places! You’re off and away! You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes You can steer yourself any direction you choose … You’ll look up and down streets.  Look ‘em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” … you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street … You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted but mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?
 
… Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind. You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
 
The Waiting Place … for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or a No … Everyone is just waiting …
 
NO! That’s not for you! Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing …
I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too … All Alone! Whether you like it or not, alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot. And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on. But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl … On and on you will hike and I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are …
 
And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.) KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
 
… You’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting.
So … get on your way!
 
 
Discussion Groups:
 

1. How has life turned out differently than you expected?
2. Have you ever desired to be married?
3. What obstacles are you currently facing concerning this issue?
4. Exchange phone numbers and commit to pray with another person in your group this month and remind them to come next month.
5. Invite a friend to join us next month.
   

On Your Own:
 

1. Look up stories in the Bible to see how God worked in different relationships in history.
2. Write down Scriptures that indicate God’s will regarding marriage.
3. Ask God to speak to you about your future marriage and family.
4. Take steps to make yourself ready for your future spouse.
   

 
Join with hundreds of women (and some men) in fasting Monday lunch and praying these three things: 1) that God would provide life-giving marriages for those who desire them, 2) that men would have the courage to walk upright before God, into marriage, and 3) that we as women would have the courage to see if/how God might be calling us to change for the sake of life-giving marriages. If you would like to receive the weekly prayer updates please e-mail fast.pray@gmail.com.

For more info please visit www.uniquedove.com.

We also heard from a guest couple, Mike and Anne Pedersen, who shared about how God worked to bring them together. Join us next month on Monday, February 22 (location TBA) to hear from Pat and Mary Prior. Be sure to invite your single friends!