Dear Fast-ers & Pray-ers,

Happy 1st Sunday of Advent (a season of longing for that which has not yet fully arrived, which fits a bit of our general theme, eh? )!

Well, this is your weekly reminder that we are fasting and praying today for men to have the courage to walk upright before God into relationship, for women to have the courage to see any areas we need to change in order to do the same, and for marriages to come to healthy fruition as a result.

And as we pray leading up to Christmas, Heidi, Anne & I thought it might be valuable to hear some additional voices in the mix.  So below are words from a much-admired-by-me-and-others friend, Paula Rinehart.  She’s a wife, mother, grandmother, therapist and author (among her many books are Strong Women, Soft Hearts; Sex & the Soul of a Woman; Better Than My Dreams; and most recently, What’s He Really Thinking?).  All those accomplishments not withstanding, what I appreciate most about her is that she “gets it.”  When I met her 9-10 years ago, she was the first boomer-age married woman I’d met who seemed to get that the rules had changed, that the relational landscape had shifted, and that it wasn’t “your mother’s dating scene” anymore (now this seems to be more commonplace knowledge).  Anyhow, she “got” this without coming up with pat or simple solutions, but while also holding on to a profound belief in the goodness of God to work within and beyond the chaos for the well-being of his people.  In other words, she got how complex the whole relationship thing had/has become AND how good God can be and even is in the midst of the complexity!

So, I’d commend her words to you.  I’d also commend her books while I’m at it (particularly this most recent one–What’s He Really Thinking?–it has some great thoughts on how to pray for men, as well as a uniquely-voiced and very helpful explanation about what goes on in the male mind).  In any case, here are a few words from her to ponder as you pray this Monday….

——-

Just yesterday, I had a conversation with yet another lovely, accomplished woman who wants to be married—and isn’t.  A woman willing to remain single rather than marry a guy who has no relationship with God.  Only she’s 42, with no prospects in sight, and this guy at work with nary a spiritual impulse thinks she’s incredible.  This hot guy at work tells her she is beautiful.  And she is.

So another Monday rolls around and we pray.  We pray because there are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of women like my friend.  And there are men…who would become even more of a man, if they exercised the courage to trust God and pursue a woman and marry her.

When I wrote What’s He Really Thinking?,  I realized a bit more why marriage poses a hurdle to men now that men in earlier generations considered far more do-able.  Simply put,  there’s a dearth of shaping male influences—and a plethora of opportunities to behave badly, which is bad in and of itself except those things also leave men stunted, immature and turned in on themselves.

I came to the quiet conclusion that it’s harder to be a man.  Lots of supremely female experiences  (like pregnancy, childbirth,  caring actively & empathetically for others) pull a woman along a trail of giving of the best of her self. 

But a man usually has to engage with God to have steady access to the sacrificial greatness he is capable of. 

That’s why an earlier generation sang a hymn that I find myself praying nearly every Monday.

                  Rise up, O men of God,  have done with lesser things,

                  Give heart and mind and soul and voice to serve the

                                    King of Kings.

I so wanted to say to my friend with the hot, non-Christian guy breathing down her neck,  “Honey,  this mess is not your fault.  It’s not you. Not you. Not you.”   It’s the fall-out of a culture that’s gone off the rail.

But what I really wanted to do was give her Connally’s email—and invite her to pray.  I can’t think of prayers more in line with the heart of God than praying for the men of this generation.

I am in it with you,

Paula.