Twenty-five years ago I was honoured to serve as best man for my college roommate Bill, who got married a few months after our graduation; my other roommate followed suit two years later.  “You’ll be next,” Bill’s mother told me, which as it turns out was true enough, though at the time I expected “next” to mean something less than two and a half decades later.  My own mother meanwhile encouraged me in a letter with Psalm 46:10, which had comforted her during the days long before when her own friends were marrying and she had no prospects in sight:  “Be still, and know that I am God.”  Therein lies wisdom, and I hope that that verse has to some degree characterized my life as a single man and my attitude toward marriage in the many years since. 

At first I had no doubt that God would soon give me a wife in due course.  I watched as Bill and his wife had one, two, and then three sons, and they generously allowed me to take an active role in the life of their family; I looked forward to the day when I would have a wife and children of my own.  Like any self-respecting Christian single adult, during my late 20’s and early 30’s I became actively involved in my church’s singles group.  It was a rich period in my life, during which God blessed me greatly:  I established many close and lasting friendships with both men and women, grew tremendously in my faith, went on any number of dates, and even fell in love — but I did not find a wife.  

In those days it seemed that opportunities for deeper fellowship and spiritual growth went hand-in-glove with the quest for marriage; but as I neared age 40 and my single friends gradually paired off and married, I seemed to face a choice between devoting my time and energy to the close friendships I had already established – though most of my friends were now married and raising families – or devoting my time and energy to finding a wife by remaining engaged in the church singles scene.  Most of my remaining single friends seemed to step up the pace of the search by choosing the latter course, but after much prayer I chose instead to pour my energies into existing relationships.  Nonetheless, I continued to long for marriage and to plead with God to bring someone into my life. 

Around that time a friend asked whether I viewed my extended bachelorhood as a choice (or series of choices) that I had made, or one that had been made for me.  I replied that I generally tended to view it as something that God had imposed on me, more or less against my wishes, but that I had made certain choices which could be keeping me from marriage.  “Are you too picky?” my great-aunt Wanda asked me shortly before her own fourth marriage; I didn’t think so, but the question weighed on me — was I passing up opportunities which God would have me pursue?  There were many undeniably godly available women at my church; should I simply pick one and start pursuing her, or should I wait for someone for whom I felt a deeper longing?  Should I attend singles events at other area churches or sign up for e-Harmony as a number of my friends had done, some with marked success?  I struggled with such questions, and I firmly believe that they have no “right” answer; God leads each of his children differently.  But in my case, after seasons of prayer I always felt called to the same place:  to be still and to trust God.  Which is not to imply that I was wholly passive with regard to the search; in the course of life I often met women who struck me as having relationship potential, and I would move forward in establishing and developing a friendship or romantic connection insofar as possible.  In most cases nothing came of it, though I had a couple of short-lived dating relationships.  Was I content?  Yes and no; I believed (on most days) that I was where God wanted me in life, and I was content with that.  But still I longed to be married, and still I prayed. 

A couple of years ago I began to notice the longing growing keener.  No doubt this was due in part to external events such as my grandmother’s death, which made me more aware of the march of time and of the dwindling of my immediate family; but no doubt it was also due in no small measure to the prayers which began to be offered around that time by this group, and of one member in particular who began praying for me by name weekly with regard to marriage. 

God answered those prayers in part by working changes in my own heart — for example, by making me less satisfied with and fulfilled by other relationships in life.  By the summer of my 47th year I felt a sorrow which at times was almost overwhelming as I faced the prospect of living alone in the years ahead.  At times I felt guilty for such thoughts; would it not be enough, if I were left without family, that God would be my God?  And yet even in the Garden before the Fall, God had said that it was not good for man to be alone. 

I also struggled at times with anger with God for my increasingly-felt loneliness, and at times questioned his goodness to me.  I believed that God could give me a wife, but I had no assurance that he would.  In March I visited friends in California who prayed at such length for God to end my singleness that I was a bit irritated at how much they were dwelling on it.  Soon afterwards, though, I had a particularly intense time of prayer on my own, pleading with God to fulfill my longing to be married though I didn’t see how it was possible. 

When I met Anne at a wedding a few weeks later I didn’t immediately recognize her as the culmination of my search or the answer to the many prayers that had been prayed throughout our lives.  In fact, I didn’t even immediately recognize her as someone I was romantically interested in.  But we had a good conversation, and the day after the wedding I sent her an email; she responded, and so we began a correspondence which continued until she left the country a week later.  Now I began to realize that something serious was afoot; again I prayed, and felt convicted that I needed to continue to pursue Anne and see what developed.  But what if she wasn’t right for me?  Well, I would have to trust God with that, as I’d trusted him with so much already. 

The rest is history.  Next April, God willing, Bill will finally return the favour of twenty-five years ago by serving as best man in my wedding, just a few months before the wedding of his oldest son.  And I pray and trust that the God who has been unwaveringly faithful to me throughout my many years of singleness will enable me to be a good and faithful husband to Anne. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.”  (Proverbs 18:22) 

So what is the point?  First, to thank you for your prayers, which God used powerfully in my own life, and to encourage you to press on in continuing to pray and fast for other single men and women who desire to be married; your work, though very hard, is bearing good and lasting fruit.  Second, to encourage you to trust God, to believe that he is good and loving at all times, that he knows the desires of our hearts and that he delights to bless his children.  And last but certainly not least, to give thanks publicly for God’s sovereignty in bringing Anne into my life and drawing us together and husband- and wife-to-be.

Join with hundreds of women (and some men) in fasting Monday lunch and praying these three things: 1) that God would provide life-giving marriages for those who desire them, 2) that men would have the courage to walk upright before God, into marriage, and 3) that we as women would have the courage to see if/how God might be calling us to change for the sake of life-giving marriages. If you would like to subscribe to receive the weekly prayer updates please e-mail fast.pray@gmail.com.