23
Nov
Pray 4 Marriage 11/23/09
Hello Pray-ers and Fast-ers,
This is the weekly email reminder that we are praying and fasting on Mondays for God to bring spouses to those of us who desire marriage; bring redemption to men so that they can and do choose marriage and bring health and wholeness to us in places where we are broken and “stuck.” We’re praying, fasting,and choosing hope and faith. Our small group of 6 has turned into a rather large group of 368!
After 2+ years of this journey, Heidi, Conn and I (all who were part of the originial 6) decided to write about why we are still praying and fasting on Mondays.
From Connally:
My motivation for fasting and praying has changed a lot over the past 2+ years. Initially, I was compelled to fast and pray because I saw how my friends and I could not fundamentally change men (the guys we were interested in (or not)). I could read 100 books and even write one, but that wouldn’t change my male peers, giving them the confidence to meaningfully enter into relationships with women. So we prayed (and have seen answers). I then fasted and prayed because I recognized that many of my friends and I could not fundamentally make ourselves into all that we wanted to be in relationship to single men (or new husbands). There are a lot of steps to the dance at which I for one am not great! So for a while, my particular focus was “O Lord, please change us.” And that too has born fruit. But now, I have a strange new focus in my praying. I think because of my living situation (with two married couples) and my work situation (getting to do thinking, writing, and reaching out with a team), I feel the most grounded and content I’ve felt in a very long time. So the temptation then becomes simply to let the whole thing–thoughts of men, marriage, and the related prayers and fasting–go. But a wee little voice inside says, “No, don’t let it all go; rather, more freed from your loneliness, practice seeing men & marriage more and more on My terms. Let me show you how marriage fits into My big, eternal narrative, and let me unreservedly write your story in this arena, Connally.” So, for now, that is why I pray and fast–I do it for all the unmet longings of everyone on this list, including me, and I do it that God might work transformation in our generation. But I also do it as a means of saying back to God: “Teach me Your story about men, marriage, and the mystery of Christ and the church, and then please write the story of my life in this arena!” How that story will turn out, I don’t know. But I want to find out! And so, I keep fasting and praying with hands and eyes more open than ever.
From Heidi:
I was one of the original fast-ers and pray-ers. I came to God on Mondays because I was at the end of myself–helpless to make my situation change; frustrated but determined to choose hope. Over two years we’ve co-labored and witnessed this list grow as well as answered prayers in the form of healing, conversions, God showing up and growing us up, as well as marriages, and movement in many different relationships.
I did meet and marry a solid man over the course of these two years. I credit this weekly discipline of praying and fasting for our generation of men and God working in us as women as a critical element in each step of my relationship–my openness to get to know this man, learning how to receive his love for me, discerning how long to stay in the relationship, and ultimately being released from a fantasy and rescued in to a reality that is better than my imaginary life, more real than the movies and just plain great.
So why am I still here as a married woman, fasting and praying?! Two reasons:
1) God is at work–and he is not finished. I spent most of my adult life learning how to become independent and creating a community and family out of mostly single adult women. We worked hard together to celebrate the gifts of adult singleness while being bound together by partial segregation from what we all considered a normal life–one we expected that would more easily have been ours–earlier marriage, plenty of babies, and commiseration over said marriages and babies! I am currently working to unlearn some of my hard-earned independence, but I am unwilling to unlearn or leave my “family”. When I got married, a good single friend said she was often asked how she felt about me getting married. I guess observers wondered if a part of her was sad or jealous or angry. In genuine celebration, she said she felt like this marriage was a win for the team. I feel like that too. Several members of my team still desire to be married and create their own families, and I’m committed to praying those relationships in to reality. God is not finished, and as we used to say on the soccer field, I haven’t been subbed out yet!
2) God is at work–and he is not finished with me. While I confess to taking some time off from fasting in order to celebrate God’s answered prayers in my own life, the years spent fasting and praying on a regular basis have taught me how much I need to submit to God regulary. Singleness does not grip me like it used to grip me. But I know that the temptation to fill that space with another unmet longing is very great. God is not finished with me, and the chance to drill down in to what scripture says, the truth of it in the face of difficulty, and the reminder that we are not alone–that there are others working to submit their lives, desires, weaknesses, and triumphs encourages me. It forces my soul towards transparency, accountability and again, the good reality of God at work, transforming us with ever increasing glory into his likeness.
From Anne:
A few weeks ago a friend (who is also praying and fasting) asked “So, since you are engaged, I guess you are going to stop this?” I told her no, I wasn’t. With my head spinning from all the current and impending changes, I haven’t been able to be as regular as I’d like. But, I am still at it. I haven’t stopped. Why? I want God to do so much more than just bring me a husband (though that will be wonderful.) I want husbands (and wives) for my single friends who are still waiting. I want God to keep working in me in places where I struggle. I want God to bring redemption and healing to so many men that I know, and give them the gift of marriage. I want God to bring life into the gender/relational confusion and brokenness we’ve experienced and see all around us. I want God to bring hope and healing where there is so much pain– in men, women and our whole generation.
When Connally first approached me with the idea of prayer and fasting, I wasn’t up for it. I was too broken hearted to have the faith and hope to pray. She wanted to pray not just for husbands for ourselves, but also for this generation of men- and women. I’m glad after a few months of healing God gave me the faith to sign on and join her.
God has brought a lot of answers. But I have faith that he’s going to bring a lot more.
May he fill you with hope-and himself- tomorrow as we pray and fast!
Anne (and Conn and Heidi)
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on Monday, November 23rd, 2009 at 11:58 AM and is filed under Pray/Fast 4 Marriage.
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