Can you believe it’s been a year since I posted anything?!?

Wow! 2011 has been a whirlwind. The first five months were spent preparing for our wedding at the Rose Garden in Jacob Loose Park on 6.11.11 (and a surprise 40th wedding anniversary celebration for my parents at our reception). After a Hawaiian honeymoon we returned to Kansas City to regroup but found ourselves heading out of town once or twice each month. From July to November we traveled to Arkansas for my cousin’s wedding, to Oklahoma for another cousin’s wedding, to Oklahoma for a wedding reception in honor of the three newlywed Blair cousins and our annual Thiessen family reunion, to Missouri for a “free” weekend Branson get-away, to Tulsa for my Grandma Thiessen’s funeral, and back to Tulsa once more to celebrate Thanksgiving with the Blair family.

As if planning a wedding, getting married, moving all my things from an apartment and storage into my husband’s house, and traveling non-stop wasn’t enough activity for one season, I also quit my two-year job as an office assistant at the law firm shortly after returning from our honeymoon.

I had begun exploring other job options and decided that becoming a nanny could prepare me for children. When I interviewed for a nanny job, an opportunity arose to become the Learning Center Coordinator for College Nannies and Tutors. Since I hadn’t become pregnant right away, I had this silly notion that I wouldn’t be able to have children at all. I thought it would be best to focus on advancing in a career instead so I accepted the position.

At first I loved my new job. I felt like it had been created specifically for me. It was new and different. I enjoyed interacting with people, coordinating, tutoring, hiring new tutors, and helping students get connected with the right tutor. But summer ended and school began, which meant my hours shifted to late nights and weekends. My schedule was completely opposite from Andy’s. This amplified the challenges of adjusting to being newly married. On top of that, I felt that the job required sales and management skills that were beyond my abilities. In order to keep up I found myself focusing entirely on this position at the expense of family and friends. The first 50-hour week drained me. Andy continually encouraged me in my new role, but after a couple months we realized that something needed to change. I notified my boss that she would need to look for someone else. Within a month I was able to interview and train my replacement. What a relief!!! They agreed to have me continue working with the company taking on-call assignments as a part time nanny. God is so good!

Interestingly, after I put in my notice we discovered I was pregnant. What amazing timing! I’ve enjoyed various nanny experiences that have given me a glance at motherhood. I am a bit nervous but very excited about the new adventure that lies ahead of us!

Andy is still working diligently as Account Manager for Ackerson Landscape. We are working out our budget and trusting the Lord to provide all our needs as we transition to a single income in order for me to become a stay-at-home mom.

Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement!

May the Lord bless you and your family with His light and love this Christmas!

Love,

Andy, Chérie, and “Baby” Nicholson

P.S. We are registered at Babies “R” Us and Buy Buy Baby

 

 

To see more wedding, reception, and honeymoon photos please visit Cherie Lynn Nicholson’s FaceBook page OR click on each of the following links:

6.11.11 Bride & Bridesmaids Getting Ready

6.11.11 Andy & Cherie Pre-Wedding Photos

6.11.11 Wedding Party & Family Photos

6.11.11 Pre-Wedding Setup, Guests, etc.

6.11.11 Bridal Portraits

6.11.11 Wedding Ceremony

6.11.11 Blair & Nicholson Extended Families

6.11.11 Getaway to Reception

Hawaiian Honeymoon

Thank you all who attended and helped to make this such a beautiful event!

Blessings!

Andy & Chérie

Yes, it’s true! Andy Nicholson and I are ENGAGED!!! He proposed to me in a small prayer chapel at New Wife … I mean New Life … Ranch on Christmas day! I only wanted one gift from him … “the promise of love to be sealed with a kiss” … and he gave me the promise I had been waiting for, which will be sealed with a kiss on our wedding day. 

The Lord is faithful. He has given us grace to wait for his perfect timing. We praise God for the character He is fashinoning in each of us. Every good and perfect gift comes from above. He has given us faith, hope, and especially this gift of LOVE! 

Romans 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. 

I Corinthians 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

We are very much looking forward to our New Life together. Please continue to pray for the Lord to direct our steps as He establishes a firm foundation for us to walk uprightly into a godly life-giving marriage. We will let you know when we set the date.

Marry Christmas!!!

Love,
Chérie 

Check out our pix: FB Engagement Photos

21
Nov

2010 Update

In 2010 the Lord has graciously blessed me with gifts of a relationship, full-time employment, financial peace, a second nephew, vacations, and so much more.

I began attending a singles’ Bible study through the Overland Park Vineyard in May 2009. That’s where I met Andy Nicholson. On January 12, 2010 Andy and I embarked on a journey to “get to know” each other. We have spent much time this year interacting with friends and family, shoveling driveways, jogging, biking, watching his nieces’ soccer games, participating in the Vineyard small group, and enjoying various activities of life together. We are continuing to pray for the Lord’s direction in our relationship.

Having been single for 35 years, the Lord has given me a burden to reach out to other singles in our community. Audra Close and I kicked off the New Year pioneering a singles’ ministry at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City (IHOP-KC). We planned monthly gatherings and invited mature married couples to speak on topics that would help singles find satisfaction in God while preparing to walk uprightly into godly marriages and families (see archives at uniquedove.com for related posts). Audra continues to coordinate these gatherings as I have stepped down from IHOP staff.

In July 2009 I began working as a part-time office assistant at a law firm. My position at Spencer Fane Britt and Browne became full-time in April 2010. This transition back into the workplace has enabled me to pay off debt that I had incurred during the past seven years in ministry. The Lord directed my steps into financial freedom through various means this year including teachings at the Overland Park Vineyard, a CD series by Dave Ramsey, and consultations with a pro-bono financial adviser. The road toward financial peace also led me to downsize and move into an apartment with my second cousin, Sierra Puryear, who I had not previously known.

My nephew, Bradley Ray Blair, was born on August 13. Bailey and Benjamin are excited about having a new brother, and John and Carrie are adjusting to the challenges of parenting three children. You can read older posts at http://blairfamily4.blogspot.com.

In June, Andy and I ventured to Tulsa to visit my family. To make the most of our trip we celebrated Benjamin’s third birthday party, attended the Blair family reunion, and spent Father’s Day with the Thiessen clan. On the way to New Life Ranch to see my brother’s family we drove through Siloam Springs for a quick tour of the town and John Brown University (where I graduated). We also stopped by the Baptist Campgrounds (where Andy used to go to church camp). In Tulsa we drove around the TU campus so Andy could see where his niece would be attending college.

We made a second trip to Tulsa for the Thiessen reunion over Labor Day weekend. My parents, John and Elaine, had just returned from a two-week Europe trip celebrating their 40th year of marriage! Actually, their 39th wedding anniversary was June 5th so I teased them about planning ahead in order to be home for a big celebration next year! We stopped in at the reunion first to see Mom’s side of the family before heading to New Life Ranch to meet my new nephew, Bradley. After a brief visit, John, Carrie, Bailey, Ben, Bradley, Andy, and I piled into John and Carrie’s new SUV and headed to the Saturday evening church service (a 30-45 min drive) followed by their traditional family Chick-Fil-A dinner. Sunday was spent having breakfast with Mom and Dad, joining Andy’s brother to watch his niece’s soccer game at TU, and going out for dinner with my folks at a favorite small town restaurant in Claremore. After breakfast with Mom and Dad Monday morning Andy and I spent Labor Day visiting my college friends, Chris and Christi Gulley, and their family at Grand Lake before driving back to Kansas City.

Later in September Audra and I were off to California for a week of vacationing at our favorite spot, Newport/Balboa Beach! When I was close to paying off my debt Audra and I began planning our third California trip together. The plan was mostly to relax and refresh, which we did by going to bed nearly every night by 10pm and not getting up until 8am. Somehow we still managed to find plenty of time for visiting friends (including a wedding reception for a couple from KC), attending church at the Anaheim Vineyard where I grew up, walking around the reservoir in Anaheim Hills where I used to live, eating at In-N-Out, Rubies on the Pier, the Crab Cooker, etc., taking the Amtrak from Anaheim Stadium to San Juan Capistrano where we toured the mission and petting zoo, exploring Catalina Island via bus and the new Zipline Eco Tour, hanging out in Laguna Beach, driving the scenic route along PCH to visit the San Diego Zoo, venturing up the coast to Long beach and Palos Verdes, and lots of Rollerblading along the Balboa Beach boardwalk!

Of course there’s so much more to tell you about including several CDs and the HOPE Journey book I designed for Bob Hartley (bobhartley.org), my involvement volunteering with and writing blogs for Joseph Company (josephcompanydevo.blogspot.com), Bible Studies on John and Isaiah through Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) and Beth Moore, lunches with Andy’s mom, several weddings of Andy’s friends, and Eric and Nirmala’s wedding in which I had the privilege of being a Bridesmaid and Andy the Best Man.

That about sums up 2010 but there’s still another month to go. I’m writing this the weekend before we head to Florida to celebrate Thanksgiving with Andy’s dad and step mom. Christmas plans are still in limbo but may include some time with my family in Oklahoma and/or Andy’s family in Kansas. Then it’s time for IHOP’s annual OneThing Conference. Join us December 28-31 as thousands come to Kansas City to bring in the New Year with worship, prayer, teaching, and the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s FREE! Register online to attend in KC or watch the webcast from home (www.ihop.org).

May the Lord bless you as you rejoice in the true gift of this season, Jesus Christ!

Love, Chérie

For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. – Isaiah 9:6 (NKJV)

The next IHOP-KC Small Groups monthly Singles Gathering is Tuesday, March 23, 2010 (6:30-8:30pm) at Shiloh Retreat Center on the IHOP-KC Missions Base. Anne and Mike Rizzo will be sharing. ALL ages are welcome. Invite your single friends!

Visit www.ihop.org for a map or click the link: map

Directions to Shiloh from 71 South:
Exit Red Bridge Blvd. (turn right / west).
Turn left onto Cleveland Road (south)
Keep left at fork as road becomes gravel.
Follow road along lake, at Shiloh Gardens fork, keep right.
Road curves right to top of hill, go to end.
Shiloh Retreat Center is on the right.

International House of Prayer in Kansas City
3535 East Red Bridge Rd
Kansas City, MO  64137

(Shiloh is NOT at this address. Please see map and driving directions!)

But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” – 1 Peter 1:15-16 NIV

What does it mean to be “holy”?

Often holiness is viewed as religious. Many people cringe at the word thinking they must somehow achieve perfection by their own efforts. Our hope lies not in our ability to attain righteousness but in the grace given us through Jesus Christ. We were redeemed from our empty way of life by the precious blood of this pure and spotless Lamb.

We have been bought with a price. Our life is no longer our own. We have been shown a love that’s real, a love that never ends. Jesus laid down His life for us so that we would no longer live for ourselves but for Him who died and rose again on our behalf.

And He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again. – 2 Corinthians 5:15 NKJV

Our sinful flesh has been crucified with Him making us new creatures. Our former way of life is history (2 Cor. 5:17). Christ now lives in us. This being the case it is possible for us to “be holy as He is holy” so long as our lives remain fully surrendered to the Lord.

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. – Galatians 2:20 NKJV

As our Bible study group discussed this topic from 1 Peter 1:13-15 someone highlighted the portion of text that says we are to “live as strangers here.” Perhaps this is the key to becoming holy.

When visiting another country we are considered foreigners. Cultural practices, customs, clothing, food, and many other facets of life are different than those of our home country. In order to live as “strangers” on the earth we must become “foreigners” to this worldly culture. We must see life on earth as different than the norm and live according to the customs of our eternal home. In order to do so we must learn what it looks like to be citizens of a heavenly country.

Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “Your Kingdom come Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” There has to be something different taking place in heaven for Jesus to emphasize this prayer for a heavenly Kingdom to be manifest on earth. Well, what exactly is going on in heaven? Jesus, the Great High Priest, is standing at the right hand of the Father daily interceding on our behalf. Elders cast their crowns at His feet. Living creatures full of eyes fix their gaze toward the One seated on the throne (Rev. 4). Night and day the echo resounds, “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come!” Angles sing, “Glory to God in the highest!” There is a river producing life and fruit continuously. Intercession, rejoicing, worship, and healing abound. This is just a glimpse into our heavenly culture. Do we know where we come from?

How interesting that when the Israelites entered the Promise Land they were not to intermarry or integrate the culture of the nations they conquered. We enter this world as babies straight from the hands of our heavenly Creator. All to quickly we adapt to a new culture and find ourselves integrated into the customs of this foreign land.

If we are to “be holy as He is holy” we must be reprogrammed. This is why Peter tells us, “Prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled.” We prepare our minds by reading the Bible and meditating on the Word of God. We have been brainwashed to believe that this foreign earthly culture is normal, which is why we must continually wash ourselves with the water of God’s Word. Once we discover the truth of our original culture we must exercise self-control to restrain from participating in common practices we see others, even believers, engaged in. We are simply strangers on the earth (Heb. 11:10-16). His commands are our roadmap to holy living.

I am a stranger on earth; do not hide your commands from me. – Psalm 119:19 NIV

To be holy is to be set apart from the culture of this world. Let us commit our hearts to live counter-culturally and remember that heaven is our home!

– Chérie Blair

Join hundreds of women (and some men) in fasting lunch (or more) every Monday and praying for godly life-giving marriages! We are asking:

1) For God to give the gift of marriage to those who desire it.
2) That God would work redemption in men so they would have the courage to walk upright before God and commit to a woman in marriage.
3) That women would have the courage to submit to God’s direction to change for the sake of life-giving marriages.

To receive weekly updates please e-mail fast.pray@gmail.com.

IHOP-KC Small Groups directors, Pat and Mary Prior, will share at the next monthly Singles Gathering on Monday, February 22 (6:30-8:30pm) in the Red Bridge Center Multipurpose Room (RBC MPR) on the IHOP-KC Missions Base. ALL Singles ALL ages are welcome. Invite your single friends!

Visit www.ihop.org for a map or click the link: map

     

Dear Fast-ers and Pray-ers,

 
This the weekly reminder that we are fasting and praying tomorrow for God to 1) give the gift of marriage to those of us who desire it 2) work redemption in men so that they can commit to a woman in marriage and 3) change us where we need to be changed. I had some thoughts I wanted to share with you this week about fasting, but I also wanted to pass along a terrific sermon by Tim Keller that Conn sent me.  Its excellent. I’ve pasted it below, and here is the link: http://www.preachingtoday.com/sermons/article_print.html?id=34022 When you have the time to read it, I think you’ll be encouraged by it.
 
Its Sunday, and I am fasting today rather than Monday this week. Church is canceled and I’m snowed in, sitting in front of a roaring fire, drinking water and V8 juice.  I want to eat. Pretty much everything in the fridge. Fasting is hard! Some days it is easier than others, but overall I find it hard. But I want to keep asking God for grace to fast. I want to keep fasting as a regular part of my life. Why?
 
I have found that fasting has both an inward, and an outward dimension. And I need, and want, both. Fasting helps draw me towards God. It sloughs off a layer of muck on my heart, helping me to hear God more clearly, and feel his presense more acutely. It helps me worship. It re-orients my life in a God-ward direction. I find that most things around me pull me away from God and pursuing his kingdom; fasting pulls me back on the path. Fasting re-sets my compass to true North. I need that, regularly. Desperately. Fasting is so good for me.
 
But there is also an outward dimension, of course. I heard a quote this week that went something like this “When there is no human remedy, God calls a fast.” We need God to work powerfully in us, in men, and in our wider culture to bring about Godly marriages, and men and women who can relate to God, and each other as God designed. I know you have all experienced the fallout. I have, too. We’ve all suffered- men and women, and we need God to act. To move. To redeem. To pour Himself out on us.  To heal what is broken. And so, we fast. Not just for ourselves for what we want, but for God to work in our culture in a powerful way. Its not just about each single person on the list getting married–though I pray for that. Its about God showing up to turn back the destructive tide of all the gender confusion and brokenness.  One prayer I pray most Mondays is for our group to make an impact far out of proportion to who we are. I pray that God uses our prayers and fasting to blast “dynamite” in the boulders of pornography, fear, self centeredness, idolatry… all the things that keep us, and the men we know, bound. And I believe God is doing that.
 
And so, with a refridgerator full of food, I’ll keep sipping my V8 juice…and pray that God hears, and that he acts.
 
Enjoy the Tim Keller sermon. I did!
 
Grateful to be praying and fasting with you,  
 
Anne
Leah: The Girl Nobody Wanted
Tim Keller

Genesis 29:15–35
Introduction

I’m going to read you a passage out of the Old Testament: Genesis 29. And one of the things we’re struck with immediately is that the Bible is the most unsentimental of all books when it comes to the subject of marriage and family. It is utterly realistic about this—that it is always hard and often devastating to not be married and it is always hard and sometimes devastating to be married.

Keeping this biblical understanding is very difficult, because there’s almost no support for it institutionally, structurally. Outside Christian circles, or in the secular world at large, there’s a tremendous amount of fear and a tremendous amount of cynicism about marriage, and with good reason, because of one of the things I just said that the Bible talks about. On the other hand, inside Christian circles there is a tendency to say, ah, marriage, that’s what life’s about. Marriage, family, kids, white picket fence. And the Bible says both of those attitudes are utterly wrong, because the Bible does not show us Jesus Christ pointing to marriage saying, “This is what you need.” But rather the Bible shows us marriage both in its strengths and even in its tremendous difficulties pointing to Jesus Christ as the thing we need.

Now it’s never been more obvious when I read you this account. I’m going to read Genesis 29:15-35:

Now after Jacob had been with Laban for a month, Laban said to him, “Just because you are a relative of mine, should you work for me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be.” Now Laban had two daughters. The name of the older was Leah; the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form and beautiful. Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.” Laban said, “It’s better that I should give her to you than some other man. Stay here with me.”

So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed. I want to lie with her.” So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. And when evening came he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her and Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter Leah as her maid servant.

But when morning came, behold, it was Leah. So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me. I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?” And Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Finish this daughter’s bridal week, and then we’ll give you the younger one also in return for another seven years of work.”

And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. Laban gave his servant girl Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maidservant. And Jacob lay with Rachel also and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.

Now when the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb though Rachel was barren. And Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben for she said “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.” She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon. And again she conceived. And when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me because I have born him three sons.” So he was named Levi. And she conceived yet again. And when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” So she named him Judah, and then she stopped having children.

A Family of Grace, a Family of Suffering
First of all, there are two things you have to know as background of this story. You have to know that Jacob came from a family chosen by grace and a family filled with suffering. Jacob had a grandfather named Abraham. One day God comes to Abraham and says, “Abraham, look at the world. Do you see the misery? Do you see the cruelty? Do you see the injustice? Do you see the disease? Do you see the tragedy? Do you see death itself? I’m going to do something about it. I’m going to heal it. I’m going to redeem it all. And I’m going to do it through your family. One of your descendants will be the Messiah.”

God says to Abraham, “And, therefore, this is what has to happen. You need to know that, in every generation of your family there will be children, but one of the children will be the seed. One child will be the messianic seed, the bearer of the messianic strain. And that child should be head of the family, and that child must walk before me, and that child must pass the true faith along to all the family, because, of all those children, one of them will be the true seed, until someday one seed will be the Seed, and one prophet will be the Prophet, and one priest will be the Priest, and one king will be the King of kings and Lord of lords.”

And that was why this was a very special family Jacob was part of. But also, in spite of that—and this is a lesson all by itself—this is a family filled with suffering. Abraham had one son, Isaac, and when Isaac’s wife, Rebekah, was pregnant and she had two twin sons in her womb, God sent a prophecy to Isaac and said, “The elder will serve the younger.” And that means God was saying to Isaac, the second one out is the seed, not the first one; not the elder but the younger—that’s the seed. That’s the one I’ve chosen.

But out they come, Jacob and Esau, and Isaac ignores what God says. He puts his heart on Esau and clearly favors him and loves him more than Jacob. And as a result, devastation is wreaked on both the boys as they grow up. Their characters are ravaged by this. Esau grow up to be willful, proud, and with no self-control at all because of the way that Isaac dotes on him and makes him the favorite, and Jacob turns into a liar. Jacob turns into a deceiver. Jacob turns into a manipulator.

Many of you know the story. What happens is, when they come of age, Jacob deceives his father one day. His father is old and blind, and Jacob dresses up as Esau and goes in and gets Isaac to give Jacob the blessing, to give Jacob the birthright, to give Jacob the headship of the clan. But when Esau realizes what Jacob has done, how he’s been deceitful, Esau vows to kill him. And so Jacob has got to run, and he flees far, far away, to the other side of the Fertile Crescent, where his mother’s relatives take him in. His uncle Laban takes him in.

Now Jacob’s life is over. Jacob isn’t sure if it’s God that screwed up, if he’s the one who screwed up, if his father or his family screwed up. But he’ll never fulfill his destiny now. He’s got no faith. It’s all ruined. He’s got no money. He’s got no place. He’s not in his homeland anymore. It’s all over. So that’s the story; that’s the background.

Laban’s Plot and Leah’s Lot
But now the story has two parts to it—Laban’s plot and Leah’s lot. First of all, Laban—Laban’s plot. Laban is the uncle, and Laban brings Jacob in as a sort of charity case, and Jacob’s working for him for a month as a shepherd. And Laban suddenly realizes something. He looks and he says, This guy’s a great shepherd. This guy’s got management capabilities. And he realizes that if Jacob becomes a foreman for him, he could tremendously expand his operation and he could make a tremendous amount of money, as long as he doesn’t have to pay Jacob too much. So he comes to Jacob and he says, “I’d like to give you a contract. What do you want in order to work for me?” And Jacob says, “Rachel.”

Now Jacob really screwed up here, because when you’re talking to a con artist, you never let them know your area of weakness. As soon as Laban sees this, as soon as he realizes this guy will do anything for Rachel, Laban’s got him. Why? Because in Laban Jacob has met his match; because Jacob’s a liar, Jacob’s a con artist, and so is Laban, but Laban’s been at it twenty-five more years. And as a result, you see, he’s much more experienced at this.

And so Laban thinks, I got a way that I can deal with two problems at once. I will use this; I will exploit this man’s weakness to deal with two problems at once. Well, what are the two problems? The first problem is, of course, How do I make lots and lots and lots of money? How do I get out of this guy a tremendous amount of valuable skill with very little to pay for it so I can become a wealthy man?

But his second problem is Leah. This man had two daughters, and the verse of course you might remember. I tried to read it slowly, but I probably didn’t. It says, “Now Laban had two daughters. The older was Leah and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form and beautiful.”

Now if you go to diverse translations you’ll find that every single one of the translations will describe Leah’s eyes differently. Some will say she had tender eyes. Some will say she had delicate eyes. Some will say she had broken eyes, because what the word really means is, “a breakable, fragile thing.” And nobody really quite knows exactly what the word means. But it’s not that hard when you look at the context. When the text uses the word “weak,” does it mean that Leah’s vision was weak? Well, if it says Leah’s vision was weak, it should say, “Leah had weak vision, but Rachel could see a long, long way.” But that’s not what it says. It’s not talking about how they looked; it’s talking about how they looked. It’s not talking about how they looked with their eyes; it’s talking about what they looked like.

What it’s really saying is this. These were two girls. These were not women yet, almost for sure. And Laban had two girls here, and one of them had either crossed eyes or protruding eyes, or some kind of eye disorder, but whatever it was she was ugly. And Rachel was gorgeous. One was an ugly duckling who would never become a swan, and one was absolutely gorgeous; and these two girls had to grow up with each other. And Laban had a problem.

Here’s where the Bible is brutally frank. And you say, ah, thank goodness we’re beyond all this. But are we? Are we? Laban thinks I’ll never marry this poor woman off. I’ll never marry this daughter off. I have a way to get rich and get rid of the daughter that would be around my neck for the rest of my life. That’s the kind of man he was.

And so what does he do? Well, it’s pretty interesting. Jacob says, “I’ll work for Rachel for seven years.” What does Laban say in verse 19? “It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man. So stay here with me.” He didn’t say yes. In other words, he said something that led Jacob to believe he was saying yes, but he would always be able to come back later and say, “Jacob, read the fine print.” He says, “It’s better for me that she should go to you than some stranger,” but he didn’t say yes.

So Jacob works for seven years and says, “Now I’ve done my seven years. Send me my wife.” Laban says fine. And of course, at the time, a wedding feast was a week long. Jacob was happier than most people at wedding feasts because, Now I have Rachel. Now finally something is going right in my life. Finally, something will console me for all the problems I’ve always had. And so everybody begins to feast and everybody begins to get drunk. And right in the middle of the very first night in comes the wife, in comes the bride all veiled. And they embrace and they are married, and they go into the tent and they go to bed together. And the Hebrew literally says (and it’s a great narrative ploy), “But when morning came, behold it was Leah.”

Jacob goes to Laban and says, “Why have you done this to me.” And Laban says, “Wait. It’s a custom. You can’t marry the younger daughter off before the older. It’s illegal here. It’s the custom. This is the way we do things. The older daughter has to be married before the younger.” And lovesick Jacob says, “Well, what do I do?” He says, “I’ll tell you what. You can marry Rachel too, but you’ll have to work another seven years for her.” And Jacob says yes.

And because of all this greed and manipulation in these deceiving men, Leah is thrown into hell. Leah, who probably could have hardened her heart—had she stayed single for a long time, she could have dealt with the fact that she was unwanted, dealt with the fact that in a world like this she was not marketable. You say, aw, we’re beyond all that. Are we beyond all that? Is our society that different? She might have been able to harden her heart, but because of these men she is now put into a situation where she is married to a man who not only doesn’t love her—and many, many people have that—but the person that he does love is also the wife right there. And it’s her sister. And Leah is put into hell.

The last verses of this passage are the most plaintive I know of anywhere in the Bible or any place, because every time she names a child when she begins to have children she says: Now … now maybe my husband will love me. Now maybe I’ll have some meaning in life.

And she names Rueben because Rueben means, “I’m seen.” And Simeon means, “I’m heard.” And Levi means, “I’m attached.” And every time a child comes along she says: Now maybe, finally, I’ll be visible. Now maybe, finally, I’ll be heard. Now maybe, finally, he’ll cleave to me. See? Surely now my husband will love me now. And it never happens.

But in the last verse, this is what we read. In the last verse we read, “And finally she conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, ‘This time I will praise the Lord.’ So she named him Judah, and she stopped having children.”

Let’s draw out the lessons and let’s do the way the gospel does. Six lessons—three are bad news, three are good news. That’s how the gospel goes—lots of bad news at the beginning, but then the good news is much “gooder” than the bad news was bad. Now let’s take the first three. There are three things here. Let’s do the bad news. There’s a lot of bad news in this story.

Bad News: Sin does you.
Number one: you never do sin; sin does you. You never commit sin. Sin commits you. Look carefully. People think that when you do a sin, when you break God’s law, when you lie, when you use somebody, when you trample on somebody, when you sin, you feel like that’s just an event, just an action. No, it’s not. The Bible says that when you sin you don’t just do an event and then pass on. You create and you release a devastating power that careens around your life indefinitely. Look at what’s going on here. There are so many examples of this in here.

I don’t have time to trace them all out. Look at what Isaac does to Jacob. Look at how he favors Esau. Look at what he does to Jacob, and now look what’s going on, reverb. Jacob is doing the very same thing to Leah that his father did to him. And not only that, because Jacob does back to Isaac what Isaac did to him. And eventually, if you keep on going down, the fact that Jacob does this to Leah means that Leah’s children hate Rachel’s children when they finally show up. And because Leah’s children hate Rachel’s children, because of the way in which Jacob sinned and deceived, they eventually sell Joseph into slavery and then they deceive Jacob and say he’s dead. And Jacob goes through utter hell.

Hell begets hell. Lie begets lie. Sin begets sin. You never sin. You don’t do it. It does you. You never sin and pass away. Sin is like a boulder, not a stone; sin is like dropping a boulder into water. The shock waves go out forever.

You never get away with sin. You never get away with it. Anything that’s a violation of God’s will for how people should live here and how people should live together, you never get away with it. You don’t do sin; sin does you. That’s the first bit of bad news.

Bad News: In the morning, it’s always Leah.
The second bit of bad news is, all life here is marked by cosmic disappointment. Cosmic disappointment. I want to say something quickly. Having read this thing and thought about this passage, I want you to know that I love Leah and I am protective of her in this story. But for a minute I have to tell you that she represents something very bad. One of the most fascinating things in the narrative is the way it turns on you, because here is Jacob saying finally, finally I’m going to have happiness in this life. Finally, finally I’ve got Rachel. But, behold, in the morning it was Leah.

And there is a very interesting little commentary written by one of my favorite writers, Derrick Kidner, and he puts it this way. Derrick Kidner says, “But in the morning, behold, it was Leah. This is a miniature of our disillusionment experienced from Eden onwards.” You know what he’s saying? He’s saying this is a miniature, a fact that everybody in this room needs to know, and that is this: No matter what your hopes for a project, no matter what your hopes for marriage, no matter what your hopes for love, no matter what your hopes for a career, no matter what you have hopes in, in the morning it will always be Leah. No matter what you think is Rachel, it will always be Leah. Nobody ever put it any better than C. S. Lewis in his chapter on hope. He says:

Most people if they really learn to look into their own heart [and that's what I'm urging you to do right now] most people if they really learn to look into their own hearts would know that they do want and want acutely something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never keep their promise. The longings which arise in us when we first fall in love or first think of some foreign country or first take up some subject that excites us are longings which no marriage, no travel, no learning can ever really satisfy. I am not speaking of what would ordinarily be called unsuccessful marriages or failures of holidays and so on. I’m speaking of the very best possible ones. There is always something we have grasped at. There’s always something in that first moment of longing but fades away in the reality. The spouse may be a good spouse. The scenery has been excellent. It turned out to be a good job. But it’s evaded us. In the morning it’s always Leah.

Now the reason you have to understand that is because it’s painful to overhear people’s lives. You notice what I said. I didn’t say overhear people’s words, because people don’t say these things out loud. But you hear it in their life. You hear it. I overhear it when I see people’s choices. I overhear it when I see people’s attitudes, when I see what they’re doing. And that is this. You overhear people saying, essentially, Oh, I’m going to have such a career. I’m going to get myself a hunk. I’m going to get myself a babe. And I’m going to live in this place, and I’m going to live in this place, and I’m going to live in this place. And I am going to have a life. In the morning it’s always Leah. This is a miniature of the disillusionment which is our lot from Eden onwards.

Eventually, it is definitely going to come through. Eventually, you’re going to see it. And when you do there are only four possible ways of responding to that. There are only four ways to go, and you’re going to have to choose one of them and it will totally shape the rest of your life.

1. You’ll either blame the things you have and say I’ve got to get better ones—better woman, better man, better job.

2. Or secondly, you’ll blame yourself and just hate yourself.

3. Or thirdly, you’ll blame life and you’ll harden yourself so you’ll never hope for anything at all.

4. Or fourthly, you can blame the theory of reality and you can say if there’s nothing in this world that ever is Rachel, then Rachel must be beyond this world. If there’s nothing in this world that will ever satisfy me, then it means that I am made for something beyond this world.

Now there are only four possible responses. Which one is it going to be?

1. One makes you a fool.

2. One makes you a self-hater.

3. One makes you an utterly hard cynic.

4. And one makes you a Christian.

So, the first bit of bad news is sin. You never do sin; sin does you. Secondly, all life is marked by cosmic disappointment. In the morning it’s always Leah. Always. Thirdly, as bad as life is, you make it much worse through idolatry, and especially the idolatry of a family.

Bad News: We make our own lives worse through idolizing family.
Now I know this may sound very strange, but what we have here is a form of idolatry where you put your hope in something to give you a sense of being loved, of being valuable, of giving your life meaning. And these are not idols of the liberal world. These are idols of the conservative world, because Jacob says, if I get this gorgeous wife on my arm, if I am married, then I finally will have happiness. And it didn’t work And poor Leah turns and says, if I have a child, if I have children, if I have sons, if I have this wonderful family then I’ll be worth something. Then I’ll be loved. And it never works.

Don’t you know that when you build your life on a white picket fence, when you build your life on being married and having a perfect family and all of your children growing up to be so happy, the Bible comes against that. Huh? Well, doesn’t the Bible come against immorality and adultery and orgies and living together and, you know? Well, yeah, some other place. That’s not the text we have here.

We have a text coming against conservative idols here. We have a text coming against traditional values. We have a text that’s saying if you build your life on a spouse then, at the very best, you’ll be emotionally dependent or controlling or judgmental; and if anything goes wrong with that spouse, if that spouse has any problems, you will go to pieces and you’ll be of no help to that spouse or anybody else. If you build your life on your children then, at the very least, you’ll try to live your life out through your children till they either hate you or they just don’t have any identity of their own. And at worst, you’ll end up abusing them because they have got to be good, they have got to be right, they have got to love you or you don’t have a life. Again and again you see Leah saying, ah, a son. Now … She just fit right in with traditional values, especially at the time. You’re nobody unless you have children. You’re a woman, so you must have children. And she does, and it doesn’t work.

If she had a nicer husband she might have been able to live in a delusion for a longer time. But, fortunately for her, she didn’t, and she came to see that idols always make the disappointment of this world far, far, far worse. Now that’s the bad news.

But what’s the good news? The good news is “gooder” than the bad news was bad.

Good News: God works with weak people.
First of all, the good news is that God works with a very weak people. Now surely somebody out there is saying, This is the stuff I hate in the Bible. Why did you bring something out like this? Here you’ve got Jacob, and look how he’s oppressing his women. Look at how he’s acting. Polygamy, bigamy. Look at women being moved around and abused and sold. Look at this. This is what I hate about the Bible.

Now, dear friends, we could spend a little bit of time on that. In every place, the Bible condemns bigamy and polygamy—every part of God’s law. This text is showing us the absolute misery and hell that comes when women are treated like this; if you think this text in any way condones that behavior, this text is a screed against that. That’s not your real problem. The reason why people that read these kinds of stories get so bummed out and confused is this: they have a spiritual paradigm I want to shatter right now.

When you read the Bible and you see all this stupidity and all this stabbing in the back and all this foolishness on the part of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and David and everything, you say “What’s going on here?” You know why you’re so upset? Because you think the Bible should be a book of virtues. You think the Bible should be a series of inspirational stories with role models. You think the Bible should be a series of stories of heroes. And that proves that you don’t understand the gospel.

The Bible is not about role models. It’s not about emulating these great people. The Bible gives you, again and again and again, men and women whom God continues to work with even though they resist his grace, they don’t deserve his grace, they don’t seek his grace, and then they don’t even appreciate after they’ve been saved by his grace. And it’s story after story after story. Now why would God give us stories like that? Why would God continue to work with this guy?

My dear friends, listen. If you think the Bible should be a book of virtues or inspirational stories of role models we should be emulating, that means you think that the Bible should be like all the other scriptures and all the other religions. Every other religion says god is at the top of the ladder. He’s put a ladder down between you and heaven, heaven and earth, and he’s standing at the top of the ladder and he’s saying, “Perform. Do good. Live right. Emulate the heroes. If you try real hard you can come up the ladder to heaven.”

But Jesus Christ said, you will see angels ascending and descending on the Son of Man, because Christ said you’ll never come up the ladder. You’ll never emulate. Look at all these guys. Look at all that they have—revelation from God, miracles in their lives—they have all kinds of incredible things happen to them and they screw up again and again and again. Our Bible, our God, the Christian God is not a God who stands at the top of the ladder, but one who sent his Son down to be the ladder. He’s not a God who says perform. But he says my Son, Jesus Christ, will come down and live the life you should have lived and die the death you should have died. And that’s the reason why Bible stories are not a series of stories of role models to emulate, but of weak people like you and me whom a strong God had to come down and become weak and die on the cross to save. God works with weak people. That’s the first good news.

Good News: God works through weak people.
Second good news: God works through weak people. Laban really hurt Leah, didn’t he? Laban really hurt Jacob, didn’t he? And yet, if you understand how God used Laban in their lives, you’ll see that it was only because of Laban and all of his tricks and all of his meanness that Jacob finally began to get humbled.

A lot of commentators say, oh my goodness, why didn’t Jacob put up more of a fuss when he realized what Laban was doing? He could have insisted. He could have said no way to seven more years for Rachel. Why didn’t he? Because he realized what was happening to him was exactly what he had been doing. He saw himself in Laban and he hated it. He finally began to come around. He finally began to get some perspective. He finally began to realize who he really was and what he’d really done.

God works in your life through weak people. Right now there’s a Laban in your life. Instead of just screaming, Why in the world, Lord, have you put this Laban in my life? you have to realize that God works not just with weak people but he works in your life through weak people.

Good News: God works in the weakest.
Lastly, God is attracted to the weakest. He doesn’t just work with and work through but he works in the weakest and the most broken of all. This is what is so astounding about Leah. One thing you can’t realize as you watch her cry out to God and talk about how she wants her husband to love her is that she uses a vocabulary that commentators over the years have been struck by.

There are two words that are used for God in the Old Testament in your English translation. The one word is the Hebrew word translated Elohim. It’s a generic name for God. It just means God, and everybody used the word. All religions, all people, everybody used the word God. It meant “the great one.”

But when God came down to Abraham and Isaac and Jacob he gave them a new name. He gave them a personal name. It was the name Yahweh. This word, Yahweh, was a name he only gave to people to whom he was also giving the story of salvation. He only said Yahweh to people to whom he said “I want you to believe my promise that through a descendant I will save the world.” And every place the word Yahweh shows up in the English Old Testament you don’t see the word God translated. What do you see? The LORD.

And Leah, floundering around like a mad woman, doing anything she can to deal with the hell she’s in, anything, feeling like, How do I get out of this? I always knew I was homely. I always knew in the world’s eyes I was nothing. And now every day it’s just pushed into my face. How am I going to survive this? And she says a child, a child. But every time she has a child she cries out and she faces her husband. Now my husband will save me. Now my husband will love me. And she looks at her child but she also says, every time, the Lord.

She begins to call on the name Yahweh. Now, wait a minute. What happened? Where did Leah hear about this? Leah must have heard the promise, the promise of the seed, the promise of salvation. And she began not just to believe in a general God at the top of the ladder to whom she must submit, which is what everybody else in the world believed; but she began to grab hold of the idea of the Lord, Yahweh, the God who will save by grace.

And what’s so fascinating is, look carefully and you will see if you go back and read this passage, that she’s turning to her husband until the very end. And at the very, very end something changes. Something radically changes. Every time she says, “Now my husband will love me.” “Now my husband will love me.” “Now my husband will love me.” And then it says she conceived again, and then she gave birth to a son and she said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” Finally, no talk about her husband. What had happened? Through this suffering she stopped turning to her husband, she stopped looking to her children, she stopped looking to anything else and she said I’m going to praise the Lord. And at that moment she got her life back. At that moment, Laban and Jacob and all the people who had used her and abused her as long as she had stayed in the idolatry fell away; at that point she stood up and she got her life back.

And more than that, look—who was the child? When she finally stopped looking to her husband for those things that only God can give and when she finally turned to God, she said, “This time I will praise the Lord,” and the child was who? It was Judah. Who’s Judah? Get this. God comes to Leah and says, “You’ll be the mother of Jesus,” because Judah was the seed.

But more than that, Leah became the seed—Leah the outsider, the Leah the ugly, Leah the rejected. Because she grabbed hold with faith, she got her life back from all the people that had ruined it for her. She got it back. And God comes down and makes her into the seed. She goes ahead of her husband. She understands the gospel better than her husband. And at the very end God says, Now through your suffering, because you have come to understand the gospel of grace, you are the seed and your son Judah is the seed, and you become the mother of Jesus.

Now how could this be? How could this possibly be? Why would God choose Leah to do that? And the answer is right here. “When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved he came to her.” And now we know. The Old Testament shows us what the New Testament really, really tells us. God loves those who others don’t love. God is attracted to the weak because of his gracious nature and he wants the ones that no one else wants.

But more than that, when he sees a wife who’s not loved, he shows her that there’s a heavenly Bridegroom. He shows her that there’s a heavenly Husband. Jesus Christ, the Bible tells us, is the Bridegroom. He’s not just the King and we’re the servants. He’s not just the Shepherd, and we’re the sheep. He’s the Bridegroom, and we’re the bride. And what happened is, Jesus Christ came to earth and died. He lost his true beauty, the beauty of a noble soul, the beauty of holiness. He lost his true beauty to live a life we should have lived and die the death we should have died, so that when we believe in him we become his bride.

I’ll tell you what it is. Though we may look like Leah, to Jesus Christ we look like Rachel. That’s the gospel. We might look like Leah in ourselves, but to Jesus Christ we look gorgeous. And that is exactly what God does here. We see here in the Old Testament a foretaste and a hint of the fact that God is the heavenly Bridegroom. He sees the wife who’s unwanted. That’s the reason why God chooses the foolish to shame the wise. God chooses the weak to shame the strong. God chooses the things that are despised, even the things that not, to bring to nothing the things that are, so that we might understand God’s grace.

Conclusion
If you’re a person here who’s still searching for God you need to understand this: God is not the top of the ladder. He sent his Son to be the ladder.

Secondly, if you’re a person who is very upset whenever you get near a wedding because you’re so angry that you’re not married, or if you’re still just incredibly desperate to be married, you’ve missed the point. In the morning it’s never what you thought. You cannot look to anything but Jesus. In heaven we have a Father that will deal with all of our imperfect fathers here. In heaven we have a Brother that will deal with all our imperfect families. In heaven we have a Spouse that will deal with all our imperfect spouses. And until we make him the One, until we say “this time I will praise the Lord,” we’ll never be able to deal with all the imperfection around us.

If there’s anybody in this building right now that feels like somebody else has ruined my life, look at Leah. Leah gets her life back. She doesn’t have to be bitter. She doesn’t have to hate. She doesn’t have to deceive back. She says, “This time I will praise the Lord.” I won’t look to anything else to give me what only Jesus Christ can be for me. I will not add anything to Jesus Christ as a requirement for being happy. Do that, and you’ll get your life back.

Is there anybody here who feels ugly? The only eyes that count are radiant with you. The only eyes that count are ravished by you. And that’s the only comfort that can’t be quenched.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010
IHOP–KC Shiloh Retreat Center
7:00-9:00pm
 
Introduction

Thank you for coming to the first Small Groups Monthly Singles Gathering at IHOP-KC. The Lord has impressed upon our hearts the need to start this ministry to singles at IHOP-KC in order to help individuals navigate through the season of being single and God’s strategic delay. We realize there are many different ages and backgrounds represented so some examples may or may not apply to you. Ask the Lord to speak to your heart specifically.
 
Have you noticed that there seems to be a stigma about the term “singles” in our society? For years I refused to participate in anything for “singles” because I didn’t want to wear a huge label on my forehead that read “desperate”. That same fear kept me from participating in “Love and Respect” (the marriage class) although singles had been invited to attend. At one point I even had a conversation with a brother in Christ who was shocked to learn that I wanted to be married. He thought I had chosen to remain single and was completely satisfied! I finally swallowed my pride and attended the second Love and Respect class at IHOP-KC with other single and married friends from our small group. I would highly recommend the book and/or class to all singles because we need to learn these valuable tools of communication before we get married even if we are not in a relationship!

So the focus of the Small Groups Monthly Singles Gatherings is to provide a safe environment for single men and women to fellowship while learning how to relate appropriately as brothers and sisters, steward each other’s hearts, and prepare to walk uprightly into godly marriage and families. We will also have opportunities each month to hear testimonies from various married couples in our community. Each gathering will begin with a brief time of fellowship and worship. We will then have a time of sharing and discussion. If anyone you know might benefit from or contribute to these gatherings please invite them to join us.

We do not plan to start a bunch of singles small groups but instead get you connected to already existing small groups and provide monthly gatherings for you to network and get equipped with valuable tools that will prepare you to walk in the fullness of all God has in store for you.

Paradigm Shift

Has life turned out differently than the way you thought it would? Some of you may have desired marriage but somewhere along the journey gave up hope or have come to think it’s holier not to marry so you can seek the Lord, but let us consider for a moment …
 
Gentlemen, what if the Lord wants you to discover the heart of the Bridegroom by becoming a bridegroom or the heart of the Father by becoming a father?
 
Ladies, perhaps the Lord wants to reveal His heart as your eternal Bridegroom in a deeper way through the pursuit of your earthly bridegroom.
 
We all have an idea of our ideal spouse, but have you ever thought that the Lord might want to alter the sacred “LIST” of what you’re looking for … what you think is best … not to lower the standard but to open your heart to the gift He has prepared for you even if it looks different than your expectations?
 
The Lord has brought me a long way in this journey. I remember writing down dreams and desires for my husband and children in 7th grade. I dated a number of guys through high school and college until I met a gentleman I was sure I would marry. We dated seriously for 18 months until he felt the Lord telling him to end the relationship. I hung on to the hope for another three years until I realized the answer was definitely “no”, which the Lord graciously confirmed numerous times. Another guy asked me on a date and we pursued a long distance friendship for a year before mutually deciding not to pursue a deeper relationship.
 
Not long after this someone encouraged me to read the Song of Solomon as a love letter from Jesus. As I did the words seemed to jump off the page as I read, “scarcely had I passed them by when I found the One my heart loves.” I had been looking for “the one” thinking that a mortal man would satisfy every desire of my heart until Jesus revealed Himself as “the One my heart loves.” I responded like the Bride in the Song, “I held Him and would not let Him go!”
 
So for the past eight years the Lord has pursued my heart like a zealous Bridegroom. I have not even dated or been involved in a relationship with any man other than Jesus. He continually draws me into the secret place of communion and satisfies my heart with His love. More than ever I know that there is not a man on earth that can satisfy me like He does.
 
“Earth has nothing I desire besides you, oh Lord.” – Psalm 73:25

And yet, there remains this desire for an earthly husband. Why? He placed this longing in our hearts for a reason. Jesus alone must satisfy us, and yet when God created male and female he commanded us to be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:27-28). He said, “It is not good for man to be alone,” and fashioned woman as a suitable companion. God designed marriage. He intended for a man to leave his father and mother to be united as one flesh with his wife (Gen. 2:18-14). God planned it this way from the beginning.
 
We see also from the Wisdom of Solomon that “he who finds a wife finds what is good and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). He goes on to say, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies” (Prov. 31:10).
 
Gentlemen, do you want to acquire a valuable treasure and obtain favor from the Lord? Find a wife of godly character! Ladies, do you want a godly man to pursue you? Become a woman of noble character!
 
Several years ago I had a dream. A gentleman came to the front door of my parents’ house asking for me. I was upstairs rushing around frantically trying to get ready. I hadn’t even picked out my clothes! Through the dream God put urgency in my heart to start preparing so that when my bridegroom appeared on the scene I would be ready. Just as we are to make ourselves ready to meet our heavenly Bridegroom we must take steps to make ourselves ready for our earthly spouses.
 
“The wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.” – Rev. 19:7

We are likewise to be friends of the bridegroom by helping others get ready.
 
“The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice.” – John 3:28-30

What are we doing now to make ourselves ready for marriage and families? How are we preparing our brothers and sisters for their future spouses?
 
After years of grappling with a question many who are single consider, the Lord has confirmed to my heart that I am not called to celibacy. He has shown me that there are many injustices including abortion and human trafficking. Just think about all the destinies of more than 50 million babies who were aborted. Could any of these have been our spouses? I believe that God never intended for many of us to remain single but since the fall of man life is not the way it was meant to be. This revelation is why I have boldness to contend for singles to walk into godly life-giving marriages, for men to risk pursuing a bride though it would mean altering their comfortable lives to provide for a wife and children. Preserving the sanctity of marriage begins with godly men and women saying, “Lord, not my will but Yours be done.”
 
We pray night and day for God to bring about justice in the earth, to end abortion, to deliver men and women from the sex slave trade but are we willing to be the answer? Are we willing to lay down our lives, surrender our independence, give up our comfortable lives of being single, and get married to provide an orphan with godly parents? After all, isn’t true religion to look after orphans and widows?
 
Are you willing to marry someone who has lost their spouse and already has a full house of children? What if God asks you to take a spouse that has lived a life of adultery like Hosea’s wife? Would you be willing to marry someone who has been rescued from human trafficking? What if God asks you not to look for a spouse your own age but to marry someone older than you? If you are a bit older, what if a Ruth comes along to glean in your fields and sleep on your threshing floor? How do you think Boaz felt about acquiring a wife later in life? What about Esther? Do you think she really wanted to marry a pagan king? Yet, she was obedient, endured the extensive process of beauty treatments, and became queen “for such a time as this” to bring deliverance to her people. Then there’s Rebekah. Are you ready to serve not just a potential spouse but to water the whole lot of camels by looking out for the interests of someone’s friends and family? Think about Abraham and Sarah. At their age do you think they were ready to start the largest family ever?
 
“By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised. Therefore from one man, and him as good as dead, were born as many as the stars of the sky in multitude—innumerable as the sand which is by the seashore.” – Heb. 11:11-12

We have this fairy tale image of the perfect spouse, the ideal age, the dream family, etc. It’s a fabulous masterpiece more renown than the Mona Lisa. We call it the American Dream. But is it God’s dream? Have you asked, “God who do YOU want me to marry? When?” These are just some of the thoughts I have been wrestling with this past year.
 
I challenge you to look up various stories in the Bible to see how God worked in different relationships in history. Find out what God says about marriage, and then ask for His perspective concerning your future marriage and family.
 
Strategic Delay

Jesus does not always operate on our timetable. When He heard that Lazarus was sick He stayed where He was for two more days! He let Lazarus die. He let Mary and Martha experience the grief of losing their brother. It looked like there was no hope left.
 
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick …” – Proverbs 13:12a

How many of us have hoped in marriage for so long that when it has been deferred our hearts have grown sick? As Jesus has delayed even longer in answering our prayers, for some the very desire seems to have died. Is Jesus calling you to awaken that desire once again? Is he calling you to hope and ask again so that He may fulfill this desire?
 
“… but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” – Proverbs 13:12b

Do we believe Jesus’ promise that “this sickness will not end in death” and that “we will see the glory of God”? Seven years ago my best friend invited me to start praying for our future husbands and children. I was reluctant at first because I knew that praying would awaken this desire. When Jesus told Martha, “Your brother will rise again,” she could only interpret it in light of eternity. The pain of awakening hope for her brother to rise again in this life was too great to bear. Like Martha we may believe Jesus for the eternal promises when our Eternal Bridegroom will come for His Bride, but do we believe Him for the temporal promises to be fulfilled? And if we do believe are we willing to sacrifice the fulfillment of that promise on the altar like Abraham did with Isaac reckoning that God will raise it from the dead? And when He finally comes to raise the promise of marriage from the dead will we say like Martha, “It’s too late! Sure you could have done something before the foul odor of death took hold, but now it’s impossible”? What kind of excuses will we make? “I’m too old. I don’t have enough money. I like being independent. It’s too much responsibility. I’m just not up to it.”
 
Or will we activate our faith, roll away the stone, remove the grave clothes and walk in newness of life?
 
“My lover spoke and said to me, ‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me…’” – Song 2:10

When Jesus says, “__________, come forth!” are you willing to arise? When our Beloved says, “Rise up, my love, and come away,” are we ready to follow Him and leap upon the mountains of opposition or will we remain sleeping in our comfortable beds covered in grave clothes?
 
Believe me, when we started praying for our future husbands I was not ready to awaken this desire again. Even now as we start this ministry to singles at IHOP-KC we must shake off the dust and take a risk. Do you think it is comfortable for two single women who have been contending for marriage yet still waiting for the fulfillment of this promise to pioneer a ministry to singles and follow Jesus through these rugged mountains? It’s a leap of faith, which John Whimber spelled R-I-S-K. I tell you this is risky! He has beckoned us to “arise” and we have risen to follow Him no matter the cost. We’re laying everything on the line – our reputation, future, relationships, etc. –
to partner with Jesus in intercession for the sanctity of marriage. We are standing in the gap because we believe God is going to bring forth justice by establishing godly marriages and bringing forth mothers and fathers who will look after orphans.
 
John Eldridge uses an allegory of a sea lion to illustrate various stages of hope deferred and eventually reawakened in his book, “Journey of Desire.” Here is a brief excerpt:
 
Once upon a time there lived a sea lion who had lost the sea.  He lived in a country known as the barren lands. High on a plateau, far from any coast, it was a place so dry and dusty that it could only be called a desert … Of course, it must seem strange to you that such a beautiful creature should wind up in a desert at all. He was, mind you, a sea lion. But things like this do happen. How the sea lion came to the barren lands, no one could remember. It all seemed so very long ago … in fact, it appeared as though he had always been there … But as you know, once you have lived so long in a certain spot, no matter how odd, you come to think of it as home …

We must recognize that life is not the way it was meant to be. Men and women were created for union with one another and with God just like the sea lion was created for the sea. But, we have been in this wilderness for so long that some of us have come to think of it as home. We may have become heart sick even to the point of death, but the final outcome of this sickness will not be death. After a strategic delay Jesus has come to our tomb calling our name and saying, “Come forth, Rise up!” We must return to the journey. Eldredge says many have abandoned the journey and are “camped out in places of resignation” or “trapped in prisons of despair” (Journey of Desire p. 15). We must live by faith like those great patriarchs in Hebrews. We must believe in the impossible no matter how great the obstacles.
 
“I would have lost heart unless I believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” – Psalm 27:13

If we believe, we will see the glory of God manifest! Will we now arise and follow our Beloved? Are we available for any and all of God’s purposes?
 
It’s time to move mountains as Dr. Suess so expressively inspires us in one of my favorite poems, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” I’ll end with this excerpt:
 
Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to great places! You’re off and away! You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes You can steer yourself any direction you choose … You’ll look up and down streets.  Look ‘em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” … you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street … You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted but mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?
 
… Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind. You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
 
The Waiting Place … for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or a No … Everyone is just waiting …
 
NO! That’s not for you! Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing …
I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too … All Alone! Whether you like it or not, alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot. And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on. But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl … On and on you will hike and I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are …
 
And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.) KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
 
… You’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting.
So … get on your way!
 
 
Discussion Groups:
 

  1. How has life turned out differently than you expected?
  2. Have you ever desired to be married?
  3. What obstacles are you currently facing concerning this issue?
  4. Exchange phone numbers and commit to pray with another person in your group this month and remind them to come next month.
  5. Invite a friend to join us next month.


On Your Own:
 

  1. Look up stories in the Bible to see how God worked in different relationships in history.
  2. Write down Scriptures that indicate God’s will regarding marriage.
  3. Ask God to speak to you about your future marriage and family.
  4. Take steps to make yourself ready for your future spouse.


 
Join with hundreds of women (and some men) in fasting Monday lunch and praying these three things: 1) that God would provide life-giving marriages for those who desire them, 2) that men would have the courage to walk upright before God, into marriage, and 3) that we as women would have the courage to see if/how God might be calling us to change for the sake of life-giving marriages. If you would like to receive the weekly prayer updates please e-mail fast.pray@gmail.com.

For more info please visit www.uniquedove.com.

We also heard from a guest couple, Mike and Anne Pedersen, who shared about how God worked to bring them together. Join us next month on Monday, February 22 (location TBA) to hear from Pat and Mary Prior. Be sure to invite your single friends!